can you rationally plan your usefulness?
When I first started getting spiritual, I watched all these Youtube monk videos telling me 'be the silent witness', 'you are not the doer', 'thou art that', etc etc etc. Intellectually, I got it, but nothing really changed.
Ayurveda, magical mantras, and how I approach belief and skepticism.
Melting into discomfort, uniting with whatever life gives you.
Baby steps into spirituality.